When
I was a big kid, maybe 12 or 13 years old, I was struck by an entrepreneurial
spirit. I had had a taste of real work –
picking okra for a truck farmer and push-mowing grass. Facing a long row of okra with a peck basket
was not an attractive career path. I
knew there were easier ways to earn money.
So, I decided to go into the possum business.
My
friend and I lured three of four possums into box traps with open cans of
sardines. We built a rather large cage
of questionable durability and paired the possums off to do what possums do. These were going to be our foundation stock –
the basis for our possum empire.
I’m
not sure who said, “Find a job you enjoy and you will never work a day of your
life,” but I pretty sure he was a possum farmer. No more grass-stained Chuck Taylors or
prickly okra stalks for me. Instead, I envisioned the inspiring words: “That’s a fine looking possum young man – How much do you
want for him?” It all begins with a
dream.
But,
like most budding business owners, we focused on the aspects we enjoyed most – catching
and raising the critters. We never gave
much thought to the vitality of the possum market which surprisingly was nil.
Nowadays
I am much older and wiser. And since I
am semi-retired, I have time for a new animal husbandry venture that I’m sure
will be profitable.
My
idea was generated by all this talk about deer.
There is a move to transfer captive
deer to the oversight of the NC Department of Agriculture and away from the
NC Wildlife Resources Commission (NCWRC).
Determined not to make the possum error again, I have been studying this
bill’s progress.
First,
semantics or word choice are important.
Those wanting to raise deer refer to it as “deer farming.” One bill sponsor, Senator Brent Jackson, is
quoted as saying, “Logically,
it just makes more sense to have a livestock program placed in the same
department as all the other livestock programs.” The NCWRC and other conservationists prefer the
term, “captive cervids.” This seems to
communicate that these deer are public trust resources
that belong to the people as a whole and not a group of 37 individuals. And of course “cervid” sounds much too
scientific. I’m
sticking with “farming.”
Next,
we need some folks who are okay with waffling.
In 2010, Agriculture Commissioner Steve Troxler said in an official press
release, "Bambi
is a pest." Now Commissioner
Troxler says, "It
makes perfect sense" to move the oversight of captive deer to his
department. I like a man who is willing
to change positions. We will need more
folks like that in our camp.
The deer farmers point to this as a growing agricultural enterprise. I like that a lot. “Economic development” and "job creation” are a hot topics. Who can argue against putting money in people’s pockets? Deer steaks, deer urine, big racked bucks for canned hunts – these guys have it figured out. I hear there is even a budding market for deer semen (now there is a job to fluff your resume). It all sounds as lucrative as ostrich farming.
We
also need politicians willing to deal with the hard issues. Representative Roger West’s possum
bill has paved the way for abolishing wildlife laws when it is beneficial
for us small business owners. In spite
of what some may say, we don’t need industry in western North Carolina. We need principled men who are willing to
expend their political capital to give us a week of unregulated access to
possums. Fingers crossed, but I hope
those principles apply to other wild animals in the future.
So
now for my big reveal. If this deer bill
passes it seems logical that other animals should follow (cue Ty Pennington and
shouts of “move that bus”). How does
this sound? – Bullhead Bear Farm. That’s
right - I’m farming bears! I plan to
grow them out and slaughter them like beef cattle. There is a strong Asian market for gall bladders and I know the
tourists and mountain transplants will buy rugs and mounts. Gosh, I bet ever piece can be sold. I may even get back into possums.
But first, we have to get this current bill pushed through the NC General Assembly. Then I can start building my bear fence.
I
wonder if there is market for squirrels.
